how it is

So this is how it is. After spending the past month flipping back and forth between various states of confidence and confusion, I've come to some conclusions and resolutions. In case any of you friends out there haven't been keeping up with me lately, it's been a month of switchery for me (I know that's not a word, but I like it). I've drastically changed my future career plans from working with adults to with kids, in a hospital to a school, and with "prestige" to with a kick-me-in-the-ass-lack of respect. I've gone through a whole range of guilt trips, pound-my-face-in-need-to-study sessions, and days to weeks of generalized apathy in "studying" for and taking my comprehensive exams (which I have now officially passed, by the way, yay). And I've struggled to balance a series of decisions in future and present opportunities (or lack thereof) in attempts to further those very rare cases of emotional investment. Hmm, ambiguous enough? Anyway, to cheer myself up, I thought I'd share, yup, I've got some new thoughts, and lucky you, you get to hear them, yay!

1.

Ok, not that this is a new concept or anything, I was just so happy that I finally found a way to express my deepest feelings. Where was this shirt 6 years ago? Too bad, and with only 1 1/2 months of school left how will all my professors know how I really feel (just in case they haven't gotten the hints already)?

2. Silence leads to prayer, prayer leads to faith, faith leads to love, love leads to service, service leads to peace. From a nun whose name I've forgotten.

3. Reading is ok. For my new year's resolution I've decided to like more things. The first thing to like was the DOE, which I'm okay with now. The second thing I've decided to like is reading. And so, with some inspiration from a friend, I read the first non-school-required book that I've read (re: willingly) since the 6th grade, it's called The Little Prince. I remember watching a cartoon about this book, but I only remember one part, the part when the prince is taking care of the rose who demands water and shelter and coughs a lot and is really rude to the prince and I wondered, "why is the prince being so nice to the rose when she's being so rude?" Obviously I had a lot to learn about girls back then and that fact remains true today. But I actually do recommend reading this book, it's pretty quick and very thoughtful without being too overly dramatic/traumatic or overly introspective. It brings you back to what's important.

4. Ok, brace yourselves, I'm actually going to insert a thoughtful quote here, yeah, I know, you're thinking, "what? matt quoting something? introspectively even? imi ni nattenai! you make no sense!" But for reals, I'm gonna quote, get ready:
"To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world" from The Little Prince (yeah, I know, makes a lot more sense if you've read the book, but hey, I don't have the quoting practice so tough noogies if it makes no sense)

How's that for introspection? Bah, it's overrated probably. Anyway, I am now going to enjoy a nice 4-day weekend, I'm thinking 4-day weekend - school - extern - decisions + couch + empty house + a big sleep = sweet!