crazy japanesies

Ok so today I was watching a new tv show on KIKU that was kind of like a Japanese Fear Factor, except that they had a whole mess of contestants doing crazy things for $10,000. It's called "Challengers of Fire" and I swear it's the best thing to come out of Japan since Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. So the first “challenge” was kinda tame, each contestant was blindfolded and had to hop along a wobbly ramp suspended in air and try to punch this balloon that was hanging at the end of the ramp. They only had 20 seconds to hop and try and position themselves at the very edge of the ramp to reach the balloon, otherwise they would fall off the ramp (they had bungee cords strapped to their feet). But I didn’t understand what they were doing at first because after the time ran out for each person, they just jumped forward with one fist up in the air, so I thought they were supposed to jump off the ramp, but only at the end one guy somehow stopped right at the edge of the ramp and could reach the balloon with his arm, so he didn’t even have to jump off and the won the $10,000, sheesh. But before they got up on the ramp, they asked each person what they would do with the money, the guy who won said that he was going to buy an engagement ring for his girlfriend, but then when he got the money he said, “well, actually, I have a lot of debts…” Then there was another guy who didn’t win who said, “I’d like to give myself a complete make-over,” good thing he didn’t win.

Anyway, the second challenge was the funniest. Each contestant had 10 seconds to make themselves cry without physically hurting themselves and then they’d win $10,000. So they’ve got all these different kinds of contestants (all ages too, there was even a little 8 year old girl actress who tried, and she did cry, but not within 10 seconds). And there’s these fem-unisex kind of “guys” that are the hosts and before each contestant goes on they interview them and ask them what they’re gonna think about to make themselves cry. So here are some prime examples of what makes japanesies so cuh-razy.

Girl 1:
Fem-“guy” host: What will you think about to make you cry?
Girl 1: I’m going to think about my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me for 4 years.
Fem-“guy” host: I see you’re also on crutches, what happened?
Girl 1: I couldn’t concentrate because I was thinking about him and I fell down the stairs.
*Girl 1 = FAIL

Guy 1 (dressed in a cow costume):
Fem-“guy” host: What’s with the costume?
Guy 1: I want to be a comedian, and my ex-girlfriend bought me this costume to be a comedian. But I couldn’t commit to being either her boyfriend or a comedian, so I choose to be a comedian. Then she went off and married someone else.
Guy 1 (sitting in the challenge chair in the cow costume): Tears are not decoration!
*Guy 1 = FAIL

Guy 2:
Fem-“guy” host: What will you think of to make you cry?
Guy 2: I’m going to think of tuna. Here, I brought some tuna, it makes me cry, eating it, smelling it, seeing it makes me cry. I’m going to think of tuna and cry.
*Guy 2 = FAIL

Girl 2:
Fem-“guy” host: What did you bring to help you cry?
Girl 2: Well, my mother gave birth to me when she was 40 years old and almost died in the process. So, I’m going to cry while looking at my umbilical cord (shows a shriveled little umbilical cord in a white box).
*Girl 2 = Actually did cry, but only after the 10 seconds were up

Guy 3:
Fem-“guy” host: How will you make yourself cry?
Guy 3: I’m a big Andre the Giant fan. He was a pro-wrestler and now that he died, I’m going to think of him and cry.
Guy 3 (sitting in the challenge chair): ANDRE!!!
*Guy 3 = FAIL

Guy 4:
Fem-“guy” host: What will you think of to make yourself cry?
Guy 4: I’m going to think about my ex-girlfriend. We used to go camping, but one time I went to the bathroom in a bush and she saw me and then it was all over. (shows a tape) This is the music that we listen to when we go camping, I’m going to listen to this music and cry.
Guy 4 (sitting in the challenge chair with tape recorder, countdown starts, Guy 4 presses button, but can’t cry)
Fem-“guy” host: What happened? You didn’t cry?
Guy 4: My music didn’t play for me, I pushed pause by mistake.
*Guy 4 = FAIL

So, things I've learned from watching this program:
1) friday nights at 8:00pm = fun happy laugh time
2) japanese girls can't do ANYTHING!
3) japanese guys look like japanese girls
4) no tv show in japan is complete without a whole "panel" of celebrities making fun of the hosts and contestants without actually doing anything but sit on the side of the stage and ask dumb questions like, "is it really hard to cry within 10 seconds? i thought it might be easy, but looking at our contestants, I can see now that it's actually difficult"
5) crazy japanesies

PS - Spencer if you need any more cheering up after watching this show, just tune on saturday nights at 9:00 pm on KIKU for "Noah," it's japanese professional wrestling! I'll post some pics of this show and "Challengers of Fire" when I can find some. Sweet!